After Goldilocks: The Evil Teddy Bear
by froth-onion
Summary: What did happen after Goldilocks and the Three Bears, anyway? Well. According to this story, interesting things involving evil teddy bears. HOW LOVELY


Disclaimer: I do not own Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and fortunately have no wish to. Author's Note: I wrote this story originally as a picture story book for my buddy in Prep. Needless to say, I feel certain that since she would not have understood very many of the words, it was wasted on her. Therefore I decided to post it, because, um, because I like it.  
  
**After Goldilocks: The Evil Teddy Bear**  
  
After Goldilocks had failed to receive a punishment of any kind, save satisfaction over having gotten away 'scot-free' and with a new cottage, former property of Red Riding Hood's currently deceased grandmother, the Bear family was not very happy. They decided that revenge would be very good for both them and 'the stupid lying Goldi-thing', but the question was: how?  
  
Baby Bear suggested that they tell the police. However, Mummy Bear disagreed. "The police are useless," she complained. "They think little girls are harmless, especially ones with golden hair and innocent expressions."  
  
Daddy Bear conveniently ignored the fact that he himself had only yesterday yelled at the police force for exactly that reason, protested, "Excuse me, the police are actually extremely -"  
  
"Stupid," interjected Mummy Bear. "I agree."  
  
Suddenly, and for no reason at all, Baby Bear stood up and said, "Goodnight," dragging his teddy bear behind him and muttering comments such as 'inattentive parents' and 'should be sent to jail'.  
  
Daddy Bear shouted, "That's it!" and proceeded to gabble something about mutilating his teddy bear to Mummy Bear, thus proving to Baby Bear that he was a truly unfocused parent. Baby Bear shook his head sorrowfully and continued to walk to his room, when Daddy Bear lunged after Baby Bear's teddy bear and ripped it away, all the time cackling manically. This did not bother Baby Bear overmuch: he had a lifetime supply from Billy Bonka's Teddy Bear Factory (and also a lifetime supply of porridge from Mummy Bear Inc., after the Goldilocks incident, but that's another story...)  
  
_The next day..._

"What did you do to my teddy bear?!" shrieked Baby Bear in horror. His previously bear-napped teddy lay upon the kitchen table, sporting glowing red eyes, emitting air of freezing temperatures, and wearing a glare to rival the author's. In fact, he looked rather like Daddy Bear at that moment.  
  
"What do you think of my Goldilocks-torturing Evil Teddy Bear?" Daddy Bear asked gleefully.  
  
"Goodbye," said Baby Bear and ran out the door. Daddy Bear looked at Mummy Bear and shrugged. Mummy Bear looked bemused, blinked then fainted.  
  
Daddy Bear smiled evilly and told the Evil Teddy Bear, "The fainting gas really does work! Now I can plan Goldilocks's torture with no interruptions! MUAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
_Meanwhile..._

Baby Bear was convinced that his father was mad. After running out the door, he wondered if Grandma and Grandpa Bear would let him live with them. That is, until he recalled that Baby Elephant had told him that madness ran in the family. As he could not think of anywhere else he could stay, after a long time pondering, he decided to become a thief. Baby Elephant said that thieves were "cool".

_An unspecified amount of time later..._

Daddy Bear peered anxiously at his Evil Plan for Revenge (purchased from Mad Daddy Bear's Help Line Inc.) muttering incoherently. The Evil Teddy Bear itself was lying on the table. Daddy Bear spoke comfortingly to the teddy, "Don't worry, my sweet, all of this will be over by tomorrow evening...and then we will have our revenge!"  
  
EVIL PLAN FOR REVENGE  
  
Note: may corrupt user  
  
1. Steal a teddy bear from someone, and make out like it was all your idea.  
  
2.Put it in the microwave for 20 mins. Ignore all noises.  
  
3.Now your bear should have glowing red eyes. If not, go back to Step 1 and repeat the procedure. Obviously your chosen bear is incompatible with evil methods of Torture. If your bear does have glowing red eyes, place in freezer until frozen. If your bear already had glowing red eyes, beware. Someone else is trying to test out their Evil Plan For Revenge on you.  
  
4.Remove bear from freezer and send to 'Melissa's Classes for Glaring'.  
  
5.When you cannot tell the difference between yourself and the bear, place it on the kitchen table. Either that, or go to the optometrist's for an eye check..  
  
6.Your wife should be comatose and all other members of the family should have escaped, either through the window, door or stairs. They are no longer your concern. Make your chosen teddy bear watch 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears' over and over again.  
  
7.Now, make it watch 'Bear and the Three Goldilockses' over and over again.  
  
8.Give to Goldilocks. Watch and Enjoy!  
  
M.D.B.H.L.Inc. cannot be held responsible for damage to any person or bear at any time while carrying out this plan. If unsatisfied, commit suicide.  
  
Mad Daddy Bear's Help Line Inc.  
Quit ordinary life once and for suicide!  
  
_The next evening..._

Goldilocks was eating her evening meal of hot oat porridge, when the  
doorbell rang. She yelled, "Coming!", ran towards the door, and crashed  
into it. The door, opening outward, collided with an 'old woman' who  
looked somewhat suspiciously like Daddy Bear. Evidently Goldilocks hadn't made the connection, however, because she put on her best 'innocent little girl' expression and said politely, "How can I help you, Grandmother?"

'Grandmother' picked 'herself' off the ground and said, "I am here to give you a gift for no reason at all! That is, er...because you are...um...special, that's it! And er...pretty!" 'She' pushed a brown paper package into Goldilocks's hands and literally ran away. Goldilocks, being greedy, gullible and vain, ripped it open at once, not even bothering to check for hidden bombs, radio transmitters, notes given by the kind author, or anything else. However, she didn't need to - inside lay the Evil Teddy Bear.

Baby Thief-Bear was searching for a nice house to steal stuff from. His 'lifetime supply' from all of those Factories and Incorporations had expired without warning, so he was feeling very hungry, both for food and his teddy bears. Suddenly, he heard a loud sobbing noise and his training as a 'gentlemanly, caring Bear' kicked in unexpectedly. He rushed into the house from which the loud sobbing noise was coming from and halted immediately. For there inside the house, were his father's greatest enemies: Daddy Goldilocks, Mummy Goldilocks, and Baby Goldilocks, all sprouting long, golden hair.


End file.
